TOP 10 SCENES CUT FROM THE FINAL VERSION OF XENOGEARS 10. Big giant rock from space falls on Nisan. No one notices. 9. Touching soliloquy that reveals that Deus was just 'a normal kind of guy.' 8. Fei learning new Deathblows from clips of "Rumble in the Bronx." 7. Dominia b#$&^#-slapping Miang into the next century. 6. All three of Rico's nude scenes (thank God!) 5. Billy going postal at the orphanage. 4. Erich Van Houten leaves Medena for Chu-Chu. Hilarity ensues. 3. Seibzehn falls on Maria. No one notices. 2. Ganondorf decapitates Zelda (oops. wrong game...) AND THE NUMBER ONE SCENE CUT FROM THE FINAL VERSION OF XENOGEARS... 1. Grahf: Those Wacky Pre-Teen Years TOP 10 REJECTED XENOGEARS CHARACTERS 10. Jaagermeister, Midori's twin brother 9. Hack, the highly infectious 'Yggdrasil' crewman 8. Corky, the happy-go-lucky Gebler Officer 7. Shakhan's Mom 6. "Pink Stuff", the nymphomaniac Chu-Chu 5. Cameo appearance by Cloud Strife 4. Hammer's twin brother, Sickle (Square decided religious controversy was enough) 3. Marilyn Manson as "Satan" 2. Leeloo, the Fifth Element! (a shame, too) AND THE NUMBER ONE REJECTED 'XENOGEARS' CHARACTER... 1. Dr. Evil (replaced by Krelian at the last minute) TOP 10 REJECTED IDEAS FOR XENOGEARS SPINOFFS 10. "COPS in Kislev" 9. "This Ol' Cave" starring Ol' Man Bal 8. Rico and Hammer yaoi flipbook 7. A series of gun safety specials featuring Jesiah Black 6. "Church Chat" with Billy and Margie 5. "The Happy Fun-Fun Cutesy-Wootsie Chu-Chu Hour" 4. Old Maison's "This Week in Death Metal" 3. "Dominia's Palace of Pain" (porno) 2. "The Big Red X Files" AND THE NUMBER ONE REJECTED 'XENOGEARS' SPINOFF... 1. "The Adventures of Sailor Elly and Tuxedo Fei" TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'VE BECOME WAY TOO ADDICTED TO XENOGEARS 10. You have constant nightmares of a swinging pendant and its constant chiming. 9. Whenever you go outside, you hum the overworld theme music. 8. You search for Anima Relics, in hope of making your car an Omnicar. 7. You sit in your Genetics class knowing that your professor is attempting to break the Limiter Seal. (the bastard...) 6. Eyepatches are part of your new definition of 'sexy.' (for women) 5. You refuse to date any girl who doesn't have red hair and a Gebler uniform. (for men) 4. You constantly search the sky with binoculars, hoping to catch a glimpse of Shevat. 3. You spend most of your class time writing "Miang Sux!" over and over again in your notebook. 2. You wonder what all this FFVIII hype is. AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN THAT YOU _REALLY_ NEED HELP... 1. Your new idea of a having a good time is watching a video loop of Chu-Chu getting run over by a steamroller while listening to the Xenogears OST and munching on some Hob-Jerky. TOP 10 LEAST POPULAR PIECES OF MERCHANDISE IN THE XENOGEARS UNIVERSE 10. The Do-it-Yourself Hob Grooming Kit 9. The 37 hour long documentary of "Fun with Science" featuring Citan Uzuki 8. Yggdrasil Cruise Lines 7. "Kislev Krisp" Cereal (tastes too smokey) 6. The Solarian Flag (for obvious reasons) 5. The incriminating pics of Rico and Hammer that Billy has on the Internet 4. Life-size statues of Chu-Chu 3. The Inflatable Elly (everyone who's bought one has been pummeled to death by Fei) 2. The Miang Snowglobe AND THE NUMBER ONE LEAST POPULAR MERCHANDISING ITEMS IN THE 'XENOGEARS' UNIVERSE... 1. "Sailor Elly and Tuxedo Fei" action figures TOP 10 WORST IDEAS FOR XENOGEARS HENTAI FANFICS 10. Rico and Hammer confess their love in the D Block showers 9. Midori and Primera "play doctor" 8. Old Maison gets some 7. Ramsus in Speedos (oh, wait...) 6. Bart, Sigurd and Margie learn that if you can't keep it in your pants, you can keep it in your genes! 5. "Miang Does Solaris" (and its sequels, "Miang Does Shevat, "Miang Does Bledavik," "Miang Does Nortune...") 4. Billy teaches the Ethos Orphanage about the birds and the bees, with some, uh, hands-on demonstration 3. The Gazel Ministry logs onto an AOL chatroom for some hot cyberspace action 2. Krelian invents the Inflatable Elly AND THE NUMBER ONE WORST IDEA FOR XENOGEARS HENTAI FANFICS... 1. "Chu-Chu's Lover," starring Oscar TOP 10 REJECTED CASTINGS FOR "XENOGEARS: THE MOVIE" 10. Leonardo DiCaprio as 'Bart' 9. Bruce Lee as 'Fei' (not that they didn't want to use him) 8. George Clooney as 'Rico' 7. Impa from Zelda 64 as 'Dominia' 6. Pamela Lee as 'Seraphita' 5. George Clooney as 'Miang' 4. One of those freaky kids from Children of the Corn as 'Billy' 3. The Taco Bell dog as 'Hammer' 2. Marilyn Manson as 'Deus' AND THE NUMBER ONE REJECTED CASTING FOR XENOGEARS: THE MOVIE... 1. Yokozuna as 'Elly'