Don't Settle for the Lesser Evil!
Why should you vote for this man? --His record of political service is long-- over 500 years! --He has a strong religious faith and devotion that will appeal to the "family values" crowd! --Has never had an affair while in office. In fact, he has no interest in any member of the opposite sex, or even the same sex. --Is completely true to his word and keeps his campaign promises. In fact, those who have tried to prevent him from doing so have all met rather mysterious ends. But wait! Not only will Krelian bring integrity, honesty and faith to our nation's capital, but the "Krelian Plan for America" will completely transform our nation within two years of election! When Krelian says he plans to change the system, he REALLY means it! None of the other candidates can really promise this-- they don't have the power, the technology, and the intelligence to back up their claims! What is Krelian's stance on today's major political issues? Let's take a look at how the Krelian Plan for America would affect the biggest issues facing today's political climate: Health Care: The K.P.A promises FREE and UNIVERSAL health care for everyone! Not only that, but health care patients, for absolutely no extra fee, will get to participate in new, experimental medical treatments almost every time they need care! Poverty: Once the activation of the "Gaetia Key" turns a majority of the world's population into Wels and Deus components, unequal distribution of wealth will no longer be an issue! The public will have free-for-all access to the wealth of former corporate leaders! Hunger: The K.P.A. would COMPLETELY eliminate hunger in America through the use of the "Soylent System"! Don't ask questions and don't read the labels, and your entire family will be fed and happy every night! Unemployment: The drastic population reduction caused by the K.P.A. will insure that NO ONE is left out of a job! Even those who were formerly considered unhirable can assist Krelian's new nation as test subjects and Deus components! Military Spending: Krelian's superior technology will ensure that the United States remains the most powerful nation on earth, without excessive spending. Giant mecha, nanomachines, and genetically engineered viruses will ensure that American democracy will triumph over communism every time and make it simple for us to crush every other nation in the world! Education: All children, and adults as well, will be eligible to receive free, complete "re-educations" under the K.P.A. Gun Control: Introduction of superior Solarian technology will make gun control essentially a moot issue. It will, however, be replaced by such potentially heated debates as laser control and Gear control. Corporate Spending: Under the K.P.A., all manufacturing will be taken over by the government, eliminating all corporate competition and corruption. Overpopulation: The K.P.A. promises to bring a complete halt to overpopulation by eliminating two-thirds of the world's people! Why put your fate, and your country's fate, in the hands of a bumbling, inept idiot with his hands full of corporate money when it could be in the hands of a twisted megalomaniac who knows EXACTLY what he's doing? Aren't you tired of seeing the antics of stupid politicians and their scandals every time you turn on the TV? Wouldn't it be nice to see some of them turn into lurching zombies and absorbed into the body of an ancient biological planet-destroying weapon? Remember, with Krelian as President, you won't need to ask what you can do for your country-- he knows exactly what he's going to do with you! So put your trust in someone with a REAL plan for the future, and vote Krelian in 2000! Picture uploaded by courtesy of Guardian Angels. No, really. |