The word FWAK means, depending on who you ask, either "False Wisdom and Knowledge" or "Furry Widdle Animal Kilts." It used to be what you would do to morons who asked how to revive General Leo, back before FF 'net was overrun by lamers, and watch the ensuing fun as they flew around Kefka's Tower for six hours trying in vain to find the Platinum Dragon so they could get the Resurrection Potion. It's a play on the acronym FAQ, obviously enough. We were inspired to write it by seeing similar FWAKs for the FF games on Usenet. |
Disclaimer: If you're gullible enough to believe any of this, you deserve what you get. If you e-mail me to complain that you beat up the robot 230 times and did not get any special items, I will laugh at you. (Yes, we got letters like that. Mostly when we used to post this back on AOL messageboards.) Also: don't e-mail me to say this is stupid. I'm altogether quite aware of that. *grin*
...There were a few other people who helped us write this, but I can't remember who they were. >< Hence the occasional poor spelling and punctuation, which I've preserved for nostalgia's sake.
The (Only Known) Chrono Trigger FWAK
If you steal from GigaGaia 50 times in one fight, he'll give you a birthday cake. Take it to Lucca's house and give it to her mom. She'll give you the MegaCharm which you can use on Lavos to have him join your team, then you get to warp to Lavos' home planet where you get to fight Kefka's spirit.
To get Cyrus in your party, steal from the Nu in the Hunting Range. There is a 1 in 65 chance that he will give you the Resurrection Potion instead of the Mop. Take it to Cyrus's grave and pour it on. He comes back to life and joins your party. He can use Lightning magic, and his tech "Nirvana Strike" is really cool.
Alfador (Magus's cat)
When you have the maximum number of kittens, go to the Tent of Horrors with Magus and Crono in your party. Play the game to win the cat food. Crono doesn't know what to do with it, so he gives it to Magus. Now go to 12000 BC and give it to his cat in the commons. After he eats it, he goes with your party. Unfortunately, you can't actually use him as a character, he just attacks randomly during Magus's turn (like Interceptor in FF3) with his special attack "Catscratch."
Make sure you have the Mop when you get captured in 12000 BC. Run from all the guards until you get your weapons back. When you do, one of them says, "Hey! Is that a mop? Our floor hasn't been polished in years! We need someone to clean it!" After you mop the floor for them, Dalton will come out and say, "Maybe I misjudged you. You're not that bad after all," and joins your party. At this point he gives you the Epoch back. He has the special techs "Iron Ball," "Blurp," and "Summon Golem."
In the Black Omen, steal from the Cybot 50 times. He gives you the special item "Hypnotic Microphone." When you fight Zeal for the first time, use it on her. This breaks Lavos's control, and she joins your party. If Magus is in your party, there will be a big cinema scene. She knows Shadow magic and the special tech "Hallation," which cuts enemy's HP down to 1.
When you first go to 120000 BC, before you go up into the sky, go into "Terra Cave", and press the hidden switch on the upper center wall. There you'll see Terra from FF3 (see, that's why they REALLY call it Terra Cave) dyeing her hair purple. She sees you and runs away. Go to the table and take the item "Purple Hair Dye". Later, when Schala comes to earth to talk to the Guru of Life, before she is abducted, pull out the bottle of hair dye. Schala will start crying and bawl out the confession that she is really Terra and join your party.
In the town of Choras, talk to the guy who lent you his tools 75 times. Finally he says, "OK, OK! I'll let you borrow my shovel if you leave me alone!" Get the shovel from his wife, go to Toma's grave and dig it up. You will find the Super-Duper Karaoke Machine buried with him. Take it back to Gato at the Millenial Fair and he joins your party. He has the special tech "Punch," which can break through walls, and "Sing," which confuses enemies. If you have him punch through a certain wall in the Geno Dome, you find a weapon upgrade which equips him with lasers.
The only way to get him, as far as we know, is by using the Game Genie. First put in Game Genie code TH18-SU0K. Then, once you have the Epoch go and race Johnny in 2300. Johnny will get mad that you beat his time and attack you. If you defeat him then you will recieve the $!#(*%%*#$* fist and the Light Sword, and Johnny will join you. Then make your party Johnny, Crono with the Light Sword, and Ayla with the $!#(*%%*#$* fist. Fight the Lavos Spawn in the Black Omen. Have Johnny and Crono combine to use Luminflare. Beat him and get Schala AND Alfador automatically! This is an easier way to get them if you missed them earlier. There is a rumor that you can get Johnny without the Game Genie, but nobody knows how to do it.
Go to Guardia Castle in 1000 AD with Gato in your party. He will punch a big hole in the wall of the King's room, where you find a hidden treasure room with the Super-Secret Ultra-Shiny Wonder Sword!! Unfortunately, it's very rusty, so take it back to Melchior and he reforges it. "Wow, what a nifty sword. I wish I could use it!" he says. At this point Crono says(!) "You can if you join our party!!" He does, and when you go back to the End of Time with him where you can get Gaspar. Now take both the Gurus to the future, where they cast a special spell to revive Balthasar, and he joins your party too! They have a funky triple tech called "The Guru Blastalyzer."
You must be very fast to catch Dyre ( the orange nu ). Try waiting at the palace in Zeal. After half an hour he'll appear, and when you talk to him he runs away. If he gets away go out of the palace and come back in. When you catch him you have to fight him. Bring Crono, Marle , and Lucca, and use the strongest fire spell you have and use Marle to heal every one. If you beat him he'll agree to join your party. He has shadow magic including Hexagon Mist, Point Flare and Dark Flash. His weapon is his head( Head Butt). Magus won't give you the option on whether to fight or not you have to fight him so he won't become a playable character.
First all of the characters you take with you must have at least 25 mag defense because Janus will beat you lickety split if you don't have good magic defense. First go to the commons in 12000 BC AFTER Crono is revived. Talk to the kid who the cat is chasing. Run at the cat and corner him by the tree. The kid will be happy that you got the cat away, and he will give you the Stingray Sword. EQUIP IT RIGHT AWAY!!!!!! A gate will appear and Janus will pop out. He shows up looking for his beloved cat. Now that he sees that you have been bothering his cat, he will try to beat the crap out of you and use the Spell "StarBlaze". It takes your energy and magic points to 1 and gives them to him. I suggest having Ayla, Robo, and Crono with you. Use Cronos Cyclone as many times as you need till Janus starts to walk around in circles. This means that Janus is getting to his super spell, "SolarInferno". If you were smart, you would have the red vest equiped. If you don't, it takes off close to 4000 hp of everyone. The red vest will completely absorb it. Now just keep using uzzi punch and falcon hit, and he is dead in no time. After this, he will join you, but there is a catch. You must either get rid of Robo or Frog. But Janus makes up with it in more ways than one. His magic type is called Moonlight, which is similar to shadow.
Go into the Tyran Fortress and talk to Kino 147 times after saving him. He then tells you to give him the wood sword(the first weapon) When you do, he performs some weird ritual and the sword starts to glow and the spirit of Bob will be released from it, and Bob joins your party! He gices you the Light, Dark, Fire, Ice, Water, and two Normal MegaArmors, plus the LightSword! This has the same effect as Luminaire! He also gives you capabilities to use the laserguns on the Epoch later in the game. Plus, he knows every spell in the game. He has the power to inflict 99999 (yes, 5 9's) damage with his spell, which costs 99 MP, Alpha L-Bomb. It resembles luminaire, only it flashes navy and dark blue. He can do a triple tech with Crono and Magus, which will take out a hundred thousand HP, called Super D-L Bomb. It combines DarkMatter and Luminaire violently. Plus, when you get to Lavos, this guy kills him with the wood sword!!!!!!!!
After you get Schala in your party, talk to the Nu who gave you the Silver Rock. He gives you a second Resurrection Potion for free!! Take it back to Toma's grave and he comes back to life and joins you. He kind of sucks, since his attack is really weak and he doesn't know any magic. But if you take him back to the Cafe in 600 AD, where Toma (his past self) is, the two of them merge, and become SUPER TOMA!!!! He's a nifty character, since he knows Shadow Magic and has a really strong attack. He can also Steal from enemies (sort of like Charm) and if you equip him with the Thief's Glove (see Secret Places) it becomes Capture.
Go back to Fiona's house 200 times. The 200th time, she gives you a carrot she found in the garden. Go back to the end of time and fight Spekkio. If you win, he says, "Hey! My favorite food! Can I have it?" When you say "yes," he joins your party. His physical attack is weak, but he knows all the offensive magic spells plus "Die," a spell which instantly kills an enemy. He also knows the "Morph" tech, which transforms him into any of four different creatures, each with a special attack.
Steal from Lavos Spawn 50 times. He gives you a special item called "Wood." Take it back to the bridge in Guardia Castle which broke after Crono escaped. On the other side you will find a passage to the Secret Guard Headquarters. Under the bed are the plans for the Super Secret Legendary Spaceship XR-RX. Take them back to the end of time and Lucca, Edgar and Balthasar will build it. Now fly it to Tata's house. He comes out and says, "WOW!! The secret spaceship XR-RX! I want to be the commander!" He joins your party, and you can use the spaceship to travel to lots of different places!!
Edward & Anna
To get the secret character Edward, you first have to find the Gate in the End of Time that leads to 'Land of the Dead'. You MUST have Crono, Frog, and Marle in your party. After you go through the gate, you'll appear in Marle's Dress in a very black and inky place. You'll find General Leo, and he'll give you a Ressurection Potion. Then you go back to the Gate and come out by Toma's Grave. If you throw the Ressurection Potion onto his grave, Toma will appear and point to the Giant's Claw. Then Toma will go off treasure hunting.
In the Giant's Claw you'll find a Gate. It leads you to the Ancient Castle in ff3. If you follow the little riddle about the Queen standing and walking 3 steps, and then do the secret code zabie(XABY), you'll find yourself falling into a hole. Marle will start screaming about her broken Crossbow because she landed on it, and then Edward from ff2 will appear with some tape and some tacky glue and he'll fix the crossbow. Then Edward tells you about Anna, and Crono and Marle start crying, and Frog talks in his 'thou' language, and then Edward leads you to Anna's Grave. Marle says something about 'I wish I still had that ressurection potion', and if you do secret code LAB, you'll get transported to Dr. Lugae's Laboratory and you have 3 minutes to find the other Ressurection Potion. Then Dr. L will appear and you have to fight him. Use Arc Impulse. If you win, you will get the Ressurection Potion and get transported back to Anna's Grave. You pour the Ressurection Potion on the grave, and Anna will come back to life and and Edward and Anna will join your party. Then Anna casts Float, and you go up and back to the gate and back to the Giant's Claw. Then, when you get in the Epoch, it will explode, and you'll get stuck in the End of Time, but then Edgar will appear and fix it so that you can continue the game.
Ozzie, Flea & Slash
Go back to Ozzie's fort with Magus after you get his cat. The cat who jumped on the switch will be there and Magus's cat starts chasing after her. She runs down the hole and he follows. Magus climbs in after them, and at the bottom you find Ozzie! He has amnesia because of the fall, but you can convince him to join you now. He revives Flea and Slash and they join your party.
Open and close the books in Zeal 100 times, and you will find a secret passage to the room with the Rainbow Nus. Talk to the one carrying the herring, and he sells you the anti-matter gun for 1,000,000 GP. When you get in a fight, it breaks. Go back to the guy and ask for a refund. He refuses and Crono ends up shoving it down his throat. When he coughs it up, it turns into the Super Mop! Whack everyone on the head with it and it breaks. Now go to where the Masamune was, put it in the cave, and it will recharge and become the Mega Mop. Go back to 12,000 BC and throw it at Zeal, and the secret character Beavis will appear! When he's in the party with Frog and Janus, they have the triple techs FROG BASEBALL and NACHO BOMB!!!!!
After 15 battles, though, the rest of the group get so annoyed at him they beat the crap out of him and he dies.
If you fly around the world 100 times in the Epoch, it will run out of fuel and crash into a secret underground cavern. Inside is a portal which leads to the world of FF3. You can get all the characters to join you here, and take them back, and you can get the items too!! Then if you put Lucca and Edgar in your party, they take the Epoch out of the hole and repair it.
In 600 AD, go to the box in the Mayor's house and try to open it. When it asks whether to remove the object, say "No" 50 times. Now go to 1000 and open it. You will find the secret portal leading to the Street Fighter Coliseum! Here you can have the characters fight each other and various opponents for prizes.
OK, this is hard. After you get Lavos in your party, put him in a group with Zeal and go to the Black Omen. At the part where you would normally fight Zeal, Zeal will ask Lavos to marry her. This surprises him so much that he tunnels out through the bottom of the Black Omen, falls into the ocean and heads towards the center of the earth. Once you get there, you find a sleeping dragon which wakes up and attacks you. When you beat him, he spits up the Big Whale from FF2! Get on it and talk to the Crystal of Flight. You will fly to the world of FF1. Go to the Temple of Fiends and walk through the portal in the center. You will end up in Hyrule where you have to fight Ganon. Once you beat him, you can explore the world as much as you want and get Link and Zelda in your party. If you go to the house with the chickens which attack you, you find the Purple Rock, which allows the triple tech "Summon Chickens."
BTW, if you go back to the gold pyramid a second time with Lavos, Zeal and Link in your party you will meet Ganon again. Once you beat him, Lavos will burrow down into the ground where you have to fight a bouncing green goblin. When you beat it, the floor will collapse and you will fall into a big pit where you fight Ganon yet a third time! This time, however, when you kill him, a bunch of pineapples come flying out of him and they kill you, but you get the Golden Armor for Link!! Afterwards Gaspar will come back and use the Chrono Trigger to revive you all, including Ganon, who joins your party.
Crono and Marle Ending:
Crono will marry Marle if you talk to Crono's mom at the moonlight parade 500 times. After the characters go to their own times, they marry.
Lavos Flying Burger Ending:
After you've completed all the tasks take the Epoch to 1000 AD and fly in a square around the Sun Keep 100 times. Then go to the Millenial fair and beat up Lucca's robot 230 times. The robot will give you the special pass and give you directions to get to Lavos' flying burger station. It's in 2300 AD. If you go to the flying burger station, you can choose to buy a "Lavos Club Special". Take it to Fiona in 600 AD and after she eats it she'll give you her hairbow. If you equip the hairbow on Marle before fighting Lavos you get a special ending in which everyone gets a new hairstyle and they decide to all get jobs at Lavos' flying burger station.
In Zeal, talk to Janus 27 times and he'll yell at you "get the hell away from me!!!"
After that, if you go into the secret room with the Nu, fight them and lose, they will say "You were not the one...?" Then Janus will pop in and say "of course not!! I am!!" He will revive you and join you!!
Then where Magus is supposed to be at the cape, Queen Zeal will be, and you'll heve to fight her!!
Janus will be killed off instantly and lost into another time portal and comes back after Zeal kills you too, but he will be revived again as SUPER MAGUS and kick Zeals fat butt!! You will then be whisked off the the SUPER programmers ending where this map guy asks you for 23 gold and he'll rearrange Zeal Kingdom into the world of FF1!! Then you can use the characters in FF1 and play the entire game!!! After FF1 is over, if you start a new game+ your main character wil be Garland, not Crono and Lucca is really Schala!!! They fall in love and have 6 little kids, Sabin, Cecil, Edgar, Celes, Golbez, and M. Bison from Sf2!!!! Try new game plus again and well.... you'll see.
In 12000 BC if you speak with the Nu 200 times after you scratch its back you can get the magic kitty collar which allows Alfador to talk. If you do this he can lecture badguys and make their heads explode. Also if you take him to Spekkio he'll get rabies and bite Janus. Then Janus will die and Schala will become a nun after the tea party with Mog and Kain. Finally you will get to see the wedding of Queen Zeal and Dalton.
If you have everyone at level 99 with all the spells in the FF3 world, after you defeat Kefka you'll get a special ending. When he turns to dust Edgar uses a dustbuster and cleans up the mess. Then, Terra attacks the blue diologue box because it mistranselated what she said on the boat. [she was asking Leo if he kenw how to play tennis]. All the scenario endings will be different, and Gogo will reveail that s/he is the dark elf, and if you play that save again it will start from there and you'll have to defeat the dark elf and save Rosa from Geshtal, who will come back. Gau and Umaro will befrend the now-goodguy dark elf as he is unable to speack correct english. (He only talks in capital letters.) Then, if you go back to the tower and have Leo in your party when you beat Kefka yet again, Frog will show up and Leo will reveal that he is Cyrus and then Terra will marry Setzer and Celes will jump off a cliff at the end. But, you can prevent this from happening if you steal from Barb-E 100 times. She gives you the Love Token, and Locke will give it to Celes at the end and they marry.
First, get all your characters up to level 99. When you visit the Ocean Palace, put Crono, Dyre the Orange Nu and M. Bison in your party. As soon as you reach the Mammon Machine, Queen Zeal will try and feed Schala to Lavos and you'll then have to fight him. The only difference is that this time, when you fight Lavos's final form, the two things on either side of him will be replaced by Ken and Ryu from Street Fighter 2. Instead of the usual attacks, they'll use Hadokens on you. When you win, you'll automatically go to a special room with Schala in it, who says, "Thank you Crono! I present you with a new quest. Press Button B to enter an exciting new world." You'll then start the game over again, except that all the Imps will be replaced by Tubsters. If you win THIS game, you'll be able to play the all-new prototype included with the game that even the programmers don't know about, "Street Fighter 3." Yes!! It really exists!!! The fighters include Ken and Ryu, Sagat, Mega Man, Chewbacca, Darth Vader, all the Vikings from "The Lost Vikings," all the members of Stone Temple Pilots, and a guy named !@#^$@#&^!!?!. The last boss is Bob Dole, but he's easy, just hit him once and he has a heart attack and dies. If you win, you get the Super-Duper-Political-Ending in which you become president, crush all your puny rivals like insects, declare martial law, nuke Canada and blow up the world.
Before you fight Magus everyone must be at level 99 with all the techs. If you let him beat you without dealing a single point of damage BUT attacking at least once, Magus will say "Fools. This proves my might." Then Lavos will appear and you will fight him with Ozzie, Slash, Flea and a new guy named Lars(yes ,5 characters). You will lose, but wake up in the Reptite Fortress. Azala will join your party, and the rest of the game will be normal, except Ayla will be replaced by Azala, Robo will be replaced by Mother, Marle is replaced by Yakra, Frog is replaced by a pink female frog, Lucca is replaced by Son of Sun, and the Prophet is the guy in the bar in the middle ages that says, "That shore wore an ugly frog. Hardy har har!". Except in Zeal, you will have to fight the regular heroes instead of monsters, and when you beat Lavos you will take over the world, kill most of the humans, and hold a huge stash party!!!
After you get BossGolem in your party(He's in a secret room on the Blackbird after you get Dalton. Unfortunately, no one knows how to find the Blackbird after you get Dalton.), go to the warp machine on the fairgrounds with him and Dalton. A portal will open and you will be sucked into the golems home dimension. Go to GolemVillage and search behind the fireplace in the inn. You will enter a secret room with a pentagram in the back. You have to fight the Cyberdemon(from "Doom"). He's sorta like Ozzie, but he attacks with missile launcher so you have to hit the switches FAST. The walls will close and he will be crushed in an explosion of blood and ichor. All thats left is a BFG9000 for Lucca, and the "Epoch Upgrade Module" which Belthasar installs to let you travel to "The Amazing Year 400 Billion" where you get the Nuclear Powered Missile Launcher. Also, if you walk into the pentagram after you beat the cyberdemon you will immediately be transported to Phobos, where you will find Lavos identical twin brother Astronaut Fish. He's drinking tea with Giga Gaia and a giant 8 limbed creature named El Guarro. If Lavos is in your party Astronaut Fish will join and El Guarro will give you the Plaid Rock, which enables the triple tech "Lavos Apocalypse Rain".
There is a way to get to the secret year 1996 AD. You have to get the dried meat from Gau. Equip it as Lavos armor. When you go into Ozzie's fort he will be assailed hundreds of kitties, who want to eat the meat. He'll scream "I hate Cats!" and use "destruction rains from the heavens" causing the fort to explode. The remains will fly into the air at warp speed, instantly taking you to 1996 AD where you will meet Robo and that pink robots designer, who will install fusion engines in them, bringing them to max strength. You can also find the "Super Stat Upgrade", which allows you to get hearts, moons and lava lamps in addition to stars! In Addition, There are rumors of a way to get the Stars, Hearts, Moons and Lava Lamps In your party!?!?!?!!!! Unfortunately, no one knows how to do it.
In the Street Fighter Coliseum, have Robo beat Sub-Zero 10 times. You get a special item called the Razor. Take it back to Crono's house in 1000. Crono shaves the cats and uses the fur to make the Cat Suit, the most powerful armor in the game!! Also, if you have Schala beat M.Bison 10 times, you get an item called the Knife. If you take this to Crono's house, he skins the cats, at which point the ASPCA comes into the house and arrests you, automatically ending your game.
Mauve Rock: You can find this in Belthasar's medicine cabinet.
Also, you can uncurse the mop so it will suck away all energy but one by using it in 200 battles. It turns into the Paladin Mop, the most powerful weapon in the game!!
If you fight 2,000,000,000,000,000 Nu's in your game, you will end up getting the Purplish-Greenish-Bluish Rock which enables "Hell freezes over". It does 9,999 damage every time!
The nuclear powered missile launcher can be trasported back through time from the future and you can nuke Magus's castle. They all suffer radiation poisoning, start glowing in the dark, grow a few extra appendages, and die horrible miserable deaths. Unfortunately, this means you can't get Magus in your party, or Ozzie, Flea and Slash, but it does make beating them the first time around a lot easier.