Dear (Insert Name of Local Senator/Representative Here): As a tax-paying, patriotic American, I have been increasingly concerned in recent years about the high tax fees imposed on the middle class and the rising cost of living in this great nation. To this end, I have created a proposal which will, if adopted, go a long way towards reducing the national debt and greatly lower the amount of money squeezed out of citizens during tax time. I implore you to read the following proposal carefully and see what can be done towards passing a law to this end. My proposal is simple, yet will have a great impact upon millions of Americans each year: Impose a tax on excessive Christmas decorations. Who among us has not been kept awake at night, nearly been made to cause a traffic accident, or been just plain irritated by a neighbor's gigantic, smarmy holiday tableau? The amount of electricity wasted upon these displays of Christmas kitsch and conspicuous consumerism is no doubt a major factor in rising electricity rates and diminished service from power companies during the holiday season. I suggest that the following decorations come with a tax penalty attached to them; feel free to add to this list at your discretion. -Any use of giant spotlights or floodlights. -Anything bearing the words "Ho Ho Ho." -Light-up candy canes. -Any depiction of Santa Claus exceeding the dimensions of seven feet in height and four in width. -Anything which is "motion-activated." -Any light display simulating the impression of motion, including but not limited to reindeer with blinking legs. -Anything featuring Disney or other cartoon characters in the role of Santa Claus. -Any flashing light display which blinks on and off at a speed similar to the light patterns known to induce seizures in epileptics. -Signs, banners or other media bearing legends such as "North Pole," "Santa's Workshop-- This Way" or "Elves' Toy Shop." Additional fines will be imposed if the spelling "shoppe" is used. -Any rooftop display of lights in which the density of lights per square foot exceeds 10. -Roof-mounted Santa Clauses in sleighs, with a doubled fine if the number of reindeer depicted exceeds 2, quadrupled if all 8 are present. If Rudolph is also present, an additional fine will be imposed. -Corollary to the above: Any display of Rudolph with a glowing or blinking nose is also subject to a fine. -Anything featuring Mrs. Claus. -Signs or other media bearing legends such as "Santa Stops Here" or "Santa Claus-- This Way." -Artificial chimneys, with a doubled fine if the artificial chimney is shown to have Santa Claus climbing into it. -Light-up nativity sets featuring more than three figures. -Any motor vehicle bearing Christmas decorations, including but not limited to hood wreaths and window lights. Vehicles being used expressly for the purpose of transporting Christmas decorations, such as trees, are not subject to the fine. -Any figure or display which plays music or pre-recorded messages. -Any outdoor use of artificial snow. -Incorporation of lawn ornaments into one's Christmas display. -Any depiction of Santa Claus which clearly outlines the size and shape of his posterior region. There are some things humans were not meant to know. Thank you for considering my proposal. Together, we can work towards ending the scourge of excessive Christmas decorations and make America a saner, more economical place for all. Signed, Your Concerned Citizen (insert name here).